at least i can be kind
I started this blog to try and get some of my thoughts down and maybe journal a bit more, but once again I'm struggling to write about myself. I'm not sure why this is; if you start something for yourself you may as well get self-indulgent about it, but maybe I don't know what that kind of self-indulgence actually looks like.
Maybe I just got rusty at talking about myself? I keep periodically running into people who make me feel bad about sharing enthusiasms or feelings—like, in grade school, but also I had a friend group post-college that got kind of into a way of acting like getting invested in things (that were not what they were invested in) was cringe or something.
The funny thing is that the latter friends I'm sure would deny it, if I told them that they'd made me feel like that, especially since one of them is also autistic and is real big on leaning into being weird and counter-cultural and making their internet brand about that. It's just the sad fact of the matter that being autistic doesn't mean you'll all have the same big interests and it sure doesn't save you from being kind of an asshole.
These last few years, since I lost touch with them, I've started trying to be, like... better about that for my own part, since I know I can be kind of a hater, and it's not like I didn't end up prone to being that kind of bitchy when I hung out with that group of people. But I want to at least try and let others have space to talk about what they're excited about! I can at minimum be excited that they're having a good time and want to know about what my friends are into. (Although I'm pretty sure my therapist would also remind me to include myself in the list of people I make space for. Yes yes thank you [redacted] I know I know)
Because, like, I don't know. If nothing else, I can at least love my friends and be kind to them.